the pursuit of happiness

I am fighting depression today.

During my doctorate, I was invited to spend a month in Extremely Famous University and possibly give a talk. Alas said EFU was in another country. If I left the US, I will have to detour through my country to apply for another US entry visa, which could be denied just because with no recourse on my side. (the denial rate in my country is high, and to complicate things, I haven't been in my home country for a really long time due to financial reasons and have little to no ties there which is a red flag) The international student office were no help. To be honest they were the opposite of helpful since their job, as they told me, was to make sure I was in compliance with SEVIS and not to figure out if there are SEVIS rules that allow me to do what I wanted.

Fast forward a few years. I am about to graduate and looking for a job. My ideas have more traction in Europe, and there are postdoc openings that sound like they would be perfect. I cannot, however, fly out to the interviews without having the same problem. And I couldn't quite risk not being able to return to defend my dissertation. And I was weary of taking a job in a new country sight unseen, especially since I do not speak the primary language there.

Fast forward a few years, I have graduated and moved into my postdoc. It became clear that there is this wonderful opportunity in another country, which will fill up some gaps in the funding, would be a great extension to some current work, and will lead into publications, as well as proposal to similar stuff in the US. It seems at this moment though that I will need to spend a couple of months per year in that country. My postodoc adviser is ok with that, and is even applying for the H1-B visa for me. And from what I have read so far, I may not be able to take this opportunity either.

So am I too risk averse?

And is this fair?

As it is any employer has to show that he didn't find an American who could do my job. But in academia, there are many people who can do an academic job even if it is not exactly the same job. And to show that I am better, talks and contacts and international prestige seem to be important. So I am feeling screwed...

Of course I will pay for a consultation with a laywer. Because you know there just maybe a way. But it seems unfair that I have to add that extra expense.

Why are my career opportunities defined by where I was born? Why am I good enough to work in the US, but if my work takes me outside and my employer is ok with that, I still have to go through the risk, the headache and the expense to be allowed back in?

Why is there an entry visa which is different than the visa that allows me to stay? Why does my pursuit of happiness come at a higher cost due to... where my parents chose to live?

I keep hearing complaints about how immigrants come in and steal the opportunities. And yet, I feel, no!, I know, that anyone has my opportunities at a lower risk and cost.